Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
