There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
