Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
