I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
