the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
