I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
