who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
