Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
