Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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