I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
