Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
