So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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