Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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