alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
