Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
