Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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