this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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