i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
