new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
A bitchslap is in order.
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