I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
