I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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