Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
