Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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