New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
