He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
