please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
