I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
