If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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