The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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