I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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