I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
