The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
