I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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