Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
