Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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