There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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