wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
