Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
