I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
