I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
