North Korea, Best Korea!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
