I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
