It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
