its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
