Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
