i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
