I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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