I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
