What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
