oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
