I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
and you fell through a lawn chair
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize