can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
