you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
