your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
