you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
