So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
