If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
