mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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