my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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