didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
