My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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