I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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