Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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