I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
