You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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