You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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