I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
