Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
