last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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