All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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