I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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