At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
