woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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