I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
