His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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