I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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