; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
